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WICKET! Maharaj lbw b Anderson 0 (South Africa 92-7)
Maharaj had fun at Lord’s, but instead of pulling with his teeth, this time Anderson aims for the posts, hitting it at mid-pad, in front of mid-on, as he overbalances trying to adjust to the swing; this time they avoid the review and that’s it. Jimmy is in a hat!
Updated at 2.13pm BST
31st over: South Africa 92-6 (Verreynne 16, Maharaj 0) Anderson has never bowled a Test bowler in OT BUT HELLO!
REVIEW! STILL OUT!
That was a Hail Mary, nothing more. Perhaps Harmer expected him to be out of line, more likely he thought it best to do so given the state of affairs.
WICKET! Harmer lbw b Anderson 2 (South Africa 92-6)
Jimmy Anderson strikes out to get Harmer out. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/Reuters
This looks plummy, full, punchy and punchy in front of the middle.
Updated at 2.13pm BST
30th over: South Africa 92-5 (Verreynne 16, Harmer 2) Harmer takes a single and Robinson finds another good delivery, comes down from the top and lands on that length that leaves the batsmen unsure whether to play forward or back back. Verreynne does neither, stuck in the crease and poking unconvincingly, but when he is offered the width of the next ball, he opens his face and runs for four.
“I would have thought Stokes’ luck would have run out by now,” says Adrian Page. “I would still say his skill and luck Woakes would be a cricketer averaging 25 with the bat and 45 with the ball.”
I couldn’t agree more: the best athletes have the timing, and that’s strength of personality and strength of skill, I think, not luck.
29th over: South Africa 87-5 (Verreynne 12, Harmer 1) Harmer drops to mid on and charges – what is he thinking? A single like this, with the ball popping up at a perfectly catchable height and Ben Stokes running into it with three stumps to aim for? But inexplicably, Stokes throws and misses by the way, so Yerman is off the mark.
28th over: South Africa 86-5 (Verreynne 12, Harmer 0) Robinson bowls another no ball but it’s the only run of another Test. And we learn that the noise we and Gaffaney heard was the bat’s finger picking up the pad; I’m a little surprised that was enough for him to raise his finger.
REVIEW! NOT OUT!
There was no bat, not even near the ball, but I heard a thud, so it makes sense that Chris Gaffaney, who bowled Van der Dussen earlier, raised his finger for this one as well.
WICKET! Verreynne c Foakes b Robinson 12 (South Africa 85-6)
But Verreynne has an opinion immediately!
27th over: South Africa 85-5 (Verreynne 12, Harmer 0) It’s Anderson from the other end and he’s got an over to Harmer, who hasn’t scored yet; he sees in the distance a rather comfortable maiden.
“I once crashed a random wedding with my village’s cricket team,” confesses James Barnes. “They knew we were trespassers (mostly in shorts), but sportingly decided to let us drink in their open bar. He danced to Baggy Trousers with the bride’s father to boot.”
I’ve never had this as a wedding tune, I must say; I’m not surprised they welcomed the extra push.
26th over: South Africa 85-5 (Verreynne 12, Harmer 0) It’s Robinson who puts us away again, and his flick is wide and in the slot, so Verrenne makes sure to keep it to cover; Stokes charges behind it, dives, finger tips it away from the rope… and four runs. This game! A two follows, unintentionally on the shoulder at slip, then two more at pull, and this is, I think, the most profitable of the innings so far, at eight.
Updated at 1.58pm BST
Well, here we go again. It’s sunny now, but do South Africa have a shot left to take advantage of the improving conditions?
“A simpler and cheaper solution to pints getting hot is to drink faster,” offers Martyn Fairbrother, in 31 degree Paris, while Jeremy Boyce offers this: “I don’t understand your surprise there. I’m in the hot south of France they only serve halves/25cl here (it’s all yellow) unless you absolutely INSIST on a pint, for exactly that reason. Obviously it doesn’t matter when you drink bitter, room temperature is fine. Hence our pints in Blighty . However, I gather that the half-drinkers your mate saw must have been drinking laaaaagers or IPAs, both of which are best served chilled. Also, given the price of a pint (or pretty much anything) these days, the extra 10p sounds like a small beer…”
One could, alternatively, take a leaf out of Withnail’s encyclopedia.
“As a youngster growing up in the Midlands,” confesses Deepak Puri, “my partner and I would put on a suit and tie and go to the nearest Indian wedding venue on a Sunday afternoon. We’d go in with a bit of confidence, we’d say on the groom’s side we were on the bride’s side and vice versa, and then spent the afternoon eating good food and drinking Black Label.I still can’t do a decent Bhangra, mind you.
Oh well beaten sir. I trust you were the life and soul.
For those wondering, here’s the overseas TMS link – it’s no longer secreted on the last site you look at, but on the main BBC matches page.
“On the subject of pub nicknames,” says Geoff Wignall, “might I offer an old drinking buddy with the Reservoir Dogs-inspired moniker of Mr Brown? Because he always got lost early.”
Beautiful things! I have to say I was wondering if this was going somewhere a little less lunch friendly.
Updated at 13.06 BST
25th over: South Africa 77-5 (Verreynne 4, Harmer 0) Leach continues and Verreynne, whose name can also be sung in Dolly Parton’s Moeen, cuts hard on a wide and under… but Foakes stop on the ground! It wasn’t easy, but it was to be expected that a guardian of such skill would catch it. So, given another life, Verreyne takes a single to aim, and that’s lunch. England have played very well, taking advantage of useful conditions, although South Africa have not been as solid as they would have liked. I’ll send out some emails in a moment and see you in about thirty or so in the afternoon session.
24th over: South Africa 76-5 (Verreynne 2, Harmer 0) Well, we’ll settle the Jansen vs Harmer batting debate sooner than we thought.
My pub mate returns, observing a group of lads who would only order halves despite two halves costing 10p more than a pint; The reason was that they wanted their beer as cold as possible from the tap when you drink it. Attention to detail, beautiful.
Updated at 13.05 BST
STILL OUT!
The ball tickled the top of the berries in the middle. Referee’s call but tough for Van der Dussen, whose team is in all sorts of trouble.
REVIEW!
That does not surprise me. That was pretty high…
WICKET! Van der Dussen lbw b Stokes 16 (South Africa 76-5)
Stokes goes wide of the crease, sinks it and hits Van der Dussen on the inside edge of the front pad; the referee waits before giving the finger, but it arrives.
Ben Stokes is delighted to sack Rassie van der Dussen. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/Reuters
Updated at 13.03 BST
23rd over: South Africa 75-4 (Van der Dussen 16, Verreynne 2) Stokes bowls Leach and Van der Dussen bowls his first over at midwicket for four. They’re the only ones out of the last one, so back in the 90s, I trust it’s not just me singing Verreynne’s name to this.
Updated at 13.06 BST
22nd: South Africa 71-4 (Van der Dussen 11, Verreynne 2) Looking back at the wicket, we see Stokes’ hands on his face like Broad’s when he took that amazing catch at Trent Bridge, only this time, the shock it’s how bad his behavior was. Markram, meanwhile, will rage.
Updated at 13.06 BST
WICKET! Markram c Foakes b Stokes 14 (South Africa 68-4)
Aiden! Again Stokes falls short, pulls again, and again goes wrong, to his frustration as Foakes runs to the left to bowl the skier. There’s that human brain again, and there’s Stokes’ strawberry blonde arm again: I knew the delivery had no theme to get a wicket, but it does.
Aiden Markram makes a mess of the delivery. Photo: Matt West/REX/Shutterstock
Updated at 12.54 BST
22nd over: South Africa 66-3 (Markram 12, Van der Dussen 11) Stokes comes into the attack and Markram hurts his delivery for two, via pull.
Updated at 12.47pm BST
21st over: South Africa 66-3 (Markram 12, Van der Dussen 11) Markram takes the first ball of Broad’s last pass for three to cover point, then Van der Dussen is bowled by another beauty, hanging the bat away from the body even though it doesn’t. I don’t want to because the human brain cannot be legislated. A no ball follows, turned midwife for two, which makes three, and the partnership is now 25; these two don’t look comfortable, but they look more so than the guys who have already dated.
Back to pub nicknames, a mate of mine, hard to believe I know, grew up in a pub, and sometimes we order a Ron the Dustman. This one was named after Ron the Dustman, a dustman named Ron who was a regular. He would have half a cider with a splash of lemonade, along with a drop of white wine, which he drank in alternate sips, while constantly combing his hair.
20th over: South Africa 60-3 (Markram 9, Van der Dussen 9) After a leg bye, Anderson offers Van der Dussen some width and he doesn’t have to ask twice, ensuring who gets the bat and hands straight through the ball. winning four passes gully; two more to cover follow, as we see Stokes warming up for a bit before lunch.
“Steven Haslemere’s email about notorious drinkers reminded me of a gentleman from my youth,” says Greg Campbell, “who was known as the Grim Reaper, such was his ability to be the first to appear in the house of a deceased person to offer their condolences and accept a consoling drink”.
The gin reaper; the Grim Refill; I think we can do even better with this guy.
19th over: South Africa 52-3 (Markram 8, Van der Dussen 3) Broad has four slips and a short leg as he charges…