A brutal blow comes from an unexpected source on Monday night’s Farmer Wants A Wife and shakes up the show in just two episodes, but it’s Australia’s extreme favorite Samantha Armytage who is hit with a tougher task than any other he has faced in his new life. the farm: trying to get decent soundbites on the air from clueless straight men.
Honestly, with Sam lending his star power to this series and Kruges directing Big Brotherthese two women are personally responsible for the success of Seven Network’s annual slate.
SUMMARY BY JAMES WEIR:Read all the summaries here
In last night’s premiere, we saw three of the farmers select the five contestants that they will each take back to their foster homes. And tonight, it’s time for the last two farmers to choose. But who exactly are these farmers? Farmer Paige and the one who looks like Costa.
What follows is a quick round of speed dating, as Farm Paige and Farm Benjamin spend about 45 seconds with each hopeful contestant. It leads to brilliant conversation.
“Fish?” a boy asks Paige.
“No,” comes his reply.
It’s the kind of romantic dialogue you usually only hear in a brilliant Baz Luhrmann film.
But the fish boy is about to outdo himself. Everyone, meet Marty.
“Do you ride horses and stuff?” snarled at Paige. “More likely it will bet about the horses that walk they.”
By now, Paige’s patience has worn thin, as has Marty’s post-Melbourne Cup savings account.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had someone on a first date tell me about their game,” she gushes. “It was a… ahh… a bit of a red flag… but… it’s okay.”
Of course, that’s totally fine! You know, until he secretly sells your herd of horses and uses the money to gamble others horses
Meanwhile, Farmer Benjamin’s speed dating spree is going big. If we were Marty, we’d put all our money on the girl who thinks she knows a lot about astrology.
“Maybe you’re a fire sign, maaaaybe Sagittarius,” Brittani looks at Benjamin.
He is wrong. But that doesn’t stop me from trying again. And one more time. How many guesses does he make? Let’s just say that Brittani’s assumptions outweigh the amount of unnecessary letters in her name.
“Since you’re such a good communicator, I thought maybe a Gemini. But then, I said, WATER SIGN! Are you a Cancer?”
Benjamin is actually not a cancer. Or anything else she listed.
“I’m a…Virgin,” he looks at her.
“I didn’t choose this,” he shakes his head in disbelief.
No, Brittany. No, you didn’t. But don’t feel bad: you’ve chosen literally everything else.
Across the farm, the producers finally give us what we want: a cameo from Samantha Armytage. She goes and checks out the singles group to see how their speed dates went. But there is an unforeseen problem.
You see, the hopeful men The farmer wants a wife they are not your usual reality show contestants. These guys haven’t spent years watching all the ridiculous dating shows. They are unfamiliar with the game and don’t quite know what they are supposed to deliver when the cameras are pointed at them. It’s not second nature to them to pick up the clues and directions provided by Samantha, which means our girl has to work overtime, fighting for her life to extract morsels from these bozos.
“How are you all feeling?” Sam poses an open-ended, non-threatening question.
The boys mumble one word answers. Collectively, they make a vague noise: “Maarghuurrpp”.
Sam tries again. “What were your first impressions of her?”
There is silence.
“It’s cool, yeah,” one of the boys finally shrugs.
Wide-eyed and keeping his cool, Sam tries to offer a few more tips to get the mates to say something, anything! — about the woman they supposedly want to date.
“She’s beautiful. And quite tall,” he enumerates, waiting for the others to add something.
“Yeah,” one of the boys nods.
It’s honestly hard to say what’s more painful: dealing with these guys or having to make small talk with Kochie at 4am while she powders her scalp in the neighboring makeup chair.
Another of the men speaks, “We’ve definitely realized that Paige has a (particular) taste, because we’ve found that we’re all very similar.”
Sam looks at the group with mirrored eyes.
“You think?” his voice rises. “I can’t see that. I think you’re all very… different“.
Yes. That’s one way to describe them.
Coincidentally, the boys have no problem chatting a few hours later when they have a boozy dinner with Paige. In fact, one of them goes and says a little too much.
Paige asks all the guys where they stand on kids. Contestants in their mid-40s say they are ready for a family. But not everyone is at the same stage of life.
Spiros is too busy being a hot young Sydney PT.
“Okay, next question…” he mumbles, moving the conversation along.
Paige frowns and insists that he answer.
“I think… I don’t know if I’m going to have kids or not,” she mutters reluctantly.
He barely hears her and asks her to repeat.
“I said, ‘I don’t think I (want) to have kids,'” she says, looking around at her imaginary group of siblings before resentfully downing the rest of her red wine and immediately bemoaning the calories.
Paige has seen enough. She calls dinner time and we go straight to the elimination ceremony, where she’s going to perform a mass sacrifice and select just five boys to take back to her farmhouse.
Since there are so many contenders and we don’t care about any of them yet, we won’t bother naming anyone. All you need to know is that he picks four and then, just as he’s supposed to pick his last guy, he drops a bombshell.
“The only thing I can do…is be really fair and respectful to all of you and what you’ve done to be here,” she says with a serious face. “So tonight, I’m just going to ask the four of you to join me at the farm.”
It’s a win for Paige. But most importantly, it’s a win for Samantha. One less bozo to make small talk.
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